Asking for Forgiveness

Asking for forgiveness begins with humility.  When you realize that there is someone in your life who is offended with you, you need to be willing to speak with that person from a servant's position.  Do not come from a position of haughtiness or arrogance.  Recognize that, in most situations, you are dealing with a hurting person and a hurting person often cannot hear clearly or think correctly. 

The Bible reminds us that a soft answer turns away wrath. Remember to speak softly and slowly and do not allow their reaction to cause you to get worked up into a frenzy.  Do not be in a hurry; create as much of an environment of peace and harmony as you can.

Be sure not to start off with words like, “If I have offended you,” or “In case I did anything wrong.”  These words will not allow the other person to open up to you.  They have already settled in their heart that you have done or said something wrong.  Using terms like the above will usually infuriate them more and make them think that you do not realize you are wrong.

When you are asking for forgiveness, put yourself in the position of the mouse under the elephant’s foot.  While you are speaking with them, see yourself as the mouse under the upraised foot of the elephant (remember that humility is key in asking for forgiveness).  As you are looking up at that powerful foot, you will keep yourself in proper perspective - knowing that at any time that powerful foot could come down and squish you.

The one asking for forgiveness needs to put the other person in the position of respect.  Placing the offended person in the stronger position makes it easier for them to decide to forgive us.  When a person is hurt they feel like they have lost control and have no power.

Ask them to forgive you, using the words, “Will you forgive me?”  They may say all kinds of things back to you BUT listen for the words, “I forgive you.”  These words are very important and will bring a release to both of you.

Allow yourselves--all parties concerned--to be in a position of reconciliation.  Let the past be the past and begin to re-engage in fellowship.  Allow time for things to mend as different wounds take different amounts of time to heal in different people.

In closing, remember that the only person you are ultimately responsible for is you.  Your position is to ask for forgiveness.  There will be times that, no matter what you do and how you do it, the other person will not forgive you.    In this situation, you only have the ability to ask for forgiveness from the other.  You do not have the ability to answer for them, only to receive from them.

Once you have asked, you have done your part.  Do not allow their negative response to rule your life.

Live, love and move on.